Let me just tell you, I have been working for years for that “secret ingredient” that would make my life perfect. First it was the perfect grades, which would get me into the perfect scholarship at the perfect college, which would get me the perfect job, and then I would be 100% happy! … Then it was the perfect husband, and the perfect family, and then the perfect life, and therefore, 100% happy!
Spoiler alert: there is no secret ingredient, and there’s no such thing as the perfect job, the perfect husband, the perfect life. I promise you that.
I know that’s hard to believe, especially after you scroll through that girls’ instagram and she’s got the HUGE house and the perfect husband/boyfriend, she has no money troubles, and she’s got allll the friends that love her. Her life seems perfect…but the secret is, it’s not. I know it might seem like that, but it’s important to remember that most everyone only shows the great parts of their life, not the ugly parts… except me of course. You’ll get a little bit of everything sprinkled in- the toddler meltdowns, the marriage disagreements, the dirty dishes, but also the smiles, laughter, date nights, healing, and joy.
Let’s break down the view we have about people we don’t know, and how that’s not the whole picture. Take, for example, that instagram girl who doesn’t work, just sits around all day posting pics of her favorite outfits. First of all, it’s a little known fact that bloggers absolutely work their butts off. My absolute favorite blogger Katy Roach (@livingmybeststyle) does a great job of describing what she does all day without boring you with too many details. Bloggers, especially successful ones, don’t just sit around shopping and trying on outfits all day. They write, and research, and respond, and research some more. The work is literally never-ending. So, we’ve taken care of the fact that your insta girl does in fact work. Just in a different way than you.
“Ok, so she works, but she has a ton of money! I have no money! Her life is perfect!”
yeah, she might get paid a good amount for what she does, but there is no job that you can work 10-15 hours a week, and make enough to live the way most of us want to live (and if there is, please let me know. Unless it involves gambling. I cannot handle that kind of stress in my life). So, she might not have to worry about money, but she does have to worry about not having free time, always needing to be by her phone, being attacked by online trolls who will do anything to tear her down….
Or, let’s look at that girl who has the perfect husband. He’s smart and sexy and funny and charming and awesome and just all things perfect. I’m here to tell you that everyone has problems with their spouse/boyfriend/life partner. EVERYONE. let me say it again: EV-ER-Y-ONE. Yeah, even that girl with the guy that always supports her. If my incredible, infinitely wise therapist sometimes has problems with her husband, then that means that it’s universal. I’d like to amend that quote you hear: “two things in life are certain: taxes and death”…. let’s change it to “THREE things are certain: taxes, death, and relationship problems.”
What I’m trying to say is if you trade one problem in, you will get another problem in return.
Problem: you have no money.
Opposite problem: you have tons of money to buy things, but you don’t have time to buy them, or use them, or hang out with your family and friends.
Problem: you’re lonely cuz you don’t have a significant other.
Opposite problem: you have a significant other, and you low-key hate them sometimes, and you STILL have to live with them while you don’t like them.
Problem: your house is too small.
Opposite problem: your house is too big because it’s not full of people you love…. plus you gotta clean it all. ugh.
What I want you to remember is this: no one’s life is perfect, no matter how hard they try to make it look like that. I recently came across this girl’s instagram, and it legit seemed like her life is perfect. She has a HUGE house, like I’m serious, it’s gargantuan. She’s got a ton of clothes. Her husband seems great and they’re just so so happy. But, after searching through her insta a while, I realized that she is struggling with infertility, and as much as she wants to fill her giant house with loads of kids, she can’t, and that sucks. Kinda proved to me that she’s got her own problems too.
What sometimes helps me is to invent ways on why someone’s life isn’t perfect. Next time you see someone who seems to have it all together, maybe think of ways your life is better than theirs. Like this: “gosh their life seems great…. but maybe they have loads of credit card debt and the stress is crushing them” or “their house is huge, but they might be paying it off until they turn 100. We’ll have ours paid off in 8 years”
REMEMBER this is only to make you realize that your life has perks too, it’s not all mud and gunk. Do not express these thoughts out loud, especially in a comment online. Don’t be a stink. If you don’t have anything nice to say, then shut up.
Also, if someone makes you feel crappy every time you see them online, then unfollow them! Or, at the very least, mute them. Life is too short to be unhappy and jealous all the time.
In the end, remind yourself everyday that your life is awesome in its own special ways, even despite its own special problems. As much as you want someone else’s life, I’m sure there is someone out there who wants yours.